I bet he comes in French.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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