She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
