As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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