As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
is it fun? or sober?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
