I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
