i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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