Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
