im drinking this country out of the recession.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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