Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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