I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
