we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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