I smell stomach acid.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
