I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
smell my finger.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
