There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
