Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
