Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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