So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
