Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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