Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
