I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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