Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
