I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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