i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How naked do you want me to be?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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