Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
