so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
