I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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