youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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