Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
