I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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