I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
