I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
