sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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