is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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