I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
