maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
