just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
