So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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