My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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