she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
