i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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