eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
