I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
