first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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