Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
