I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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