i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
