Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
