she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
