We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
