im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
