just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
