oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
