9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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