mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
