i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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