wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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