I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
