She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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