We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
