My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize