Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
