I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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