We got so high we made milksteak
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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