I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
