is your mom at the bar?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
