So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
