I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
