what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
