when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
