so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
