i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Are my feet made of real feet?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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