K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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